I’ve recently published a profile on Mormon.org to reach out to others in an effort to help them become more familiar with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints as well as more familiar with me as a member of the Church.  In preparation to author that profile, I began writing this small reflection of my life with God.

My story is here on this blog because I hope that something you learn about my life will be helpful to yours.  I’m sharing my whole story with you because I don’t believe you can understand my life as a Mormon without understanding my whole story.  As you read, know that I’m happy to share with any sincere inquirer, and I hope you’ll allow me to start from the beginning.  I’m going to be quite open with you and I will share some things that let you get somewhat close and personal.

Those close to me know me as somewhat of an intense person, and so it isn’t surprising to me that my birth was an intense experience for those involved, especially for mom.  She was in labor with me for 39 hours.  The delivery was quite an ordeal, to say the least, and was finally successful because of a pair of forceps that, shall we say, left their mark.  (To my mother’s surprise and relief, it wasn’t long before my head relaxed to the shape of a normal baby’s head.)  Apparently I was a little reluctant to enter the world, but I can assure you that reluctance has long since departed! I was her first, and as I grew we spent lots of time together.  My favorite game was building canned-food castles.

My parents are committed to Christ, and I will be forever grateful to them for their influence and example. You certainly would not be hearing about any of this if it were not for them! As a result of their dedication, I was introduced to the doctrines of Jesus Christ at an earlier time in my life than my memory allows me to recall.  I’ve never known a time when I didn’t know that I could pray to God and He would answer. But these blessing came as a result of sacrifice!

My parents sacrificed for me from the very beginning. For example, attending Church with a baby!  What is it like to be sitting among a quiet congregation of Saints, listening to a sermon, all the while knowing that in your arms is a bundle equipped with a wailing alarm capable of jolting nearby congregants out of their seats?  Not altogether enviable, I’m sure, and a sacrifice at least.  I’m certain I disrupted my share of quiet moments and reflective reveries, if only those of my mother and father, as they scrambled to whisk a crying baby out into the foyer.  Eventually my Church-time tranquility could be won with small incentives like Fruit Loops and I entertained myself with my mother’s ingenious creation which she optimistically named “The Quiet Book.”  (This little miracle is a book she constructed of cloth pages, each with engaging ornaments like shoe laces, buttons, beads, and games sewn in.  I would play with this on my lap to occupy my little hands and mind during our Sacrament Meetings.)

My father is an extraordinary man, and I’m grateful to know him, let alone to be his son. His example and attention have also been and continue to be key, formative influences in my life!

As I grew older, my mother took advantage of my interest in Bible stories to help me survive each meeting.  If I was having a difficult time sitting still, she would offer to whisper a Bible story in my ear.  It was listening next to her while in Church that I was first experienced imprisonment with Daniel in the lions’ den, or chased the Philistines with Samson, or watched as David felled Goliath with his sling.  My memory is that I frequently requested this one!  (Mom is still a marvelous narrator!)  

I’m grateful you’ve indulged me, thanks for continuing with my story.  If you’ve read anything else by me on the web, you will know that my commitment to Christ is very important to me.  You’ve already seen that my life has always been blessed by the influence of God.  I know he lives, and I’ve known that from an early age.  I thank my parents for teaching me and showing me.  By the time I was baptized a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints at age eight, He had already conspicuously answered many of my personal prayers, and I knew that He loved me.  I knew I wanted to follow the Savior, even though I still had a lot to learn about what that means.  At that time, my parents gave me my own set of scriptures, including a copy of the Book of Mormon, and invited me to read it.  They told me that the only way I could know if the things they had taught me were true is if God spoke to me by His Holy Spirit.  They said that He would if I would study and pray.  Following their encouragement, I spent a few minutes each night reading from the Book of Mormon.  I crawled through it, and after about a year of reading I finally neared its conclusion.  Although I didn’t fully realize it at the time, my life had been improved and my heart was being changed by its contents.

For example, I remember reading one night in the book of 2nd Nephi, “…for the evil spirit teacheth not a man to pray, but teacheth him that he must not pray.”  The night before I had fallen asleep without praying, having rationalized to myself that I was too tired to get out of bed!  I knew I didn’t want to follow the evil spirit!  That night I was sure to say my prayers, and for some time afterward, every time I tried to justify myself for not wanting to pray before I went to bed, that scripture appropriately tormented me. 

Another powerful experience came as I was reading in Mosiah 28 about the sons of Mosiah.  As I read, “Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yea, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble,” a similar desire swelled in my heart.  I too wanted to help others hear about the Gospel of Jesus Christ!

I continued reading.  I read about wars and preaching, I read about kings and captains.  I read in detail about the visit of the Savior to the Nephites.  Finally, one night, I found myself reading the last chapter of the Book of Mormon.  It was late and I was alone in my room.

I read the words of Moroni, “Behold, I would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down until the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.”  I thought of all the stories I had heard from the Bible.  I thought of all the stories I had just finished reading in the Book of Mormon.  I thought of all the prayers God had answered in my own life.  I concluded that God is indeed merciful.  Then I read, “And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true.”

As I read those words I had perfect confidence that this promise was real and that God would in fact answer a prayer I had been invited to make to Him on the matter.  I also remembered the testimony of my parents.  As I began to comprehend that I was on the verge of knowing with certainty the truth of these things that had formed such a significant part of my life to that point, a quiet fear began to drip into my heart.  I realized that by learning the truth for myself, I might just as reasonably learn that these things were not true.  I contemplated with dread the conversation I would have to have with my parents in which I would explain that I knew for myself that their beliefs were not correct.  Though this fear was very real, it did not create in me any reluctance.  I had no choice but to ask.  I had been given the opportunity to know the truth, and the thought of disregarding that opportunity never entered my heart.  I resolved that I would manage the consequences as best I could when that time came, although the dread of that possibility still hung on my heart. 

I knelt down on my bed, and under the covers began to pray.  Still with apprehension in my heart, though with trust in the God I knew was listening, I asked Him my simple question: “Is the Book of Mormon true?”

I no sooner framed the question and waited for a response than I was immersed in a tangible warmth that embraced my whole body.  Peace and love filled my heart and swelled outward as if they would consume me.  My fears dissolved in the power of its presence and my heart was made perfectly serene.  My spirit recognized this presence unquestionably as the power of God, and I knew the Holy Ghost that was communicating with me.  This sensation was accompanied by a knowledge, delivered by proximity with this Holy Influence, directly to my spirit and to my mind, that the Book of Mormon is true. 

I thanked the Lord and closed my prayer.  Tears of gratitude welled in my eyes and I grinned for happiness with the realization of what I had received.  I had learned for myself that the Book of Mormon is true.  God had talked to me by the power of His Holy Ghost.  With this testimony came the assurance that I could build my life on the principles that accompanied that knowledge; all the principles taught in the Book of Mormon.  There was still so much I didn’t know, but I did know that the Book of Mormon is truly what it claims to be.  I knew that Moroni was right; that by asking God, He had manifested the truth of it unto me by the power of the Holy Ghost.  That night I was able to lie down and sleep peacefully, having then finished the Book of Mormon for the first time. For a boy as young as I was to be given to know something so significant so personally and so undeniably is a testament to the goodness and the love of God.

Since that time I have read the Book of Mormon many times. I have studied from it, taught from it, and endeavored to align the actions of my life to its teachings. Countless are the additional evidences I have received, both spiritual and tangible, of the truthfulness of the Book of Mormon. 

This experience, learning the truth of the Book of Mormon, served for me as an anchor point, a fixed reference, for my spirituality in the years that followed.  As I entered my pre-teenage and then my teenage years I encountered more and more of Satan’s power and of the influences of the world.  My focus on eternal things waned and my Godly desires were slowly lessened as I embraced music and video games that did not preserve the Spirit of God in my life.  These worked in me by first capturing my imagination and then slowly introducing me to things that I knew were evil, but that I believed I could tolerate.  It was around this time that my mother introduced me to a poem she had memorized: 

Vice is a monster of so frightful mien
As to be hated needs but to be seen,
Yet seen too oft, familiar with her face,
We first endure, then pity, then embrace.

Hearing these words cut me to the heart, because I recognized that I had endured and pitied and embraced many things I should not have, especially the music I was listening to.  Despite this revelation I remained unwilling to change.  At one point I even knew I didn’t want my brother listening to the music I had made a part of my life, but that realization still wasn’t enough motivation to purge it from me! 

It became difficult for me to study the scriptures diligently and even to pray daily.  The diligence and love of my parents and church leaders kept me generally on the good track, but I was distracted sufficiently to be of very little service to the people around me, especially my peers, whose approval had become one of my primary objectives.  Insecurity and uncertainty took hold in my heart and I was not the light I knew I could be.  As I talked to a good friend one night, I realized that something significant was missing in my life, and I adopted the expression ‘Still Waiting’ as my social media status, expecting that sometime I would recognize what I was missing, and thus be waiting no longer.  It never occurred to me that this something could be my faith in and devotion to God and to the testimony He had given me. 

Then I was invited by a cousin to attend a summer Church camp called Especially For Youth.  When I discovered the cost I assumed I wouldn’t be going, but I was shocked when Dad consented to pay it.  The camp lasted a week and removed us completely from all electronic devices.  I found comfort in being around so many of my peers whom I could admire and who also shared my beliefs.  The classes I attended began to quench the thirst I had accumulated for the things of the Spirit, and we were required to study the scriptures individually for some time each day.  God began to influence me through His Spirit in more impactful and consistent ways than I had ever experienced before.  I began to recognize the still, small voice of his Spirit.  I felt deeply of His love and recognized that its product was love for the people around me.  It was at this time that He instilled in me a resolution that I would serve as a full-time missionary.  In process of this experience, I realized with clarity that my personal longings were a result of my lack of determination to serve the Lord and the people around me.  I received impressions of things I could do to strengthen specific people.  I knew how to contribute more meaningfully to my family.  I returned home full of light, hope, and purpose. 

I wish I could say I took this torch and ran with it, but I didn’t.  Gradually I allowed my determination to deteriorate as my music and my desire to please the world crept back into my heart.  It was easier to watch TV than to study the scriptures.  It was more comfortable to fall asleep rather than to pray at my bedside.  My Godly desires once again lost focus, though the experience I had been given remained.  I had drawn very near to God, but slowly I replaced his influence in my life with other things, and once again it became more difficult for me to speak with Him consistently or to study His scriptures regularly. 

As I look back I recognized specific experiences at church meetings that served as invitations to me to live a higher, happier way.  These held sway on my mind and on my heart sufficiently to motivate me for good transitorily, but it seems it was difficult for me to maintain consistency long-term.  I did not realize that it was my proximity to the world that prevented me from experiencing the proximity to God that filled me with so much joy and so much purpose.  Years later I would read the words of James with great effect, “Whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God.”       

During this time of my life I kept myself very busy.  I pursued a thousand different interests: athletics, gardening, hunting, drawing, outdoor survival, carving, architecture, literature, software, academics, archery, music.  My parents were incredibly supportive of me and encouraged me in my explorations.  I looked for the approval of others in my accomplishments and found fulfillment in my progress.  And then I encountered football.  It was challenging, it was thrilling, and it was prestigious.  It was entirely new to me (I had been playing soccer for years) and it captivated my energies. 

I loved football, but I made it more important in my life than it should have been.  Nonetheless, I appreciate the coaches who poured their energy into my development and the young men who were my teammates. With their help, I succeeded in becoming proficient in my position. Dad was also very supportive and took time to practice with me often, helping me to catch the football better and giving me advice from his football days. 

While I was devoted to football, my ambition for success in this sphere made it very difficult for me to seek the Lord’s will in my life, independent of football. Our team, though extremely talented, did not excel as we all thought we would. When I was not chosen to play for my collegiate team of choice, I went home to Canada to be with my family and prepare for the mission I had been anticipating.

I began a serious study of the Gospels in the evenings, and while I felt spiritual growth, I also felt opposition. I came to realize that there was a real force that didn’t want me to serve as a missionary, and it manifested itself most in feelings of inadequacy. As I increased my focus and reached toward Heaven with greater energy and desire than before, I experienced, more profoundly than I ever had before, the redemptive grace of the Lord Jesus Christ. Through my repentance, I was overcome by the love and mercy that I comprehended, overpoweringly, He and our Heavenly Father have for me. I knew I was redeemed, not by any merit of my own, but by the goodness of God. Experiencing this goodness kindled in me a burning desire to share the love of Jesus Christ with others. I had known no greater joy than that of forgiveness, and I wanted all people to feel the same joy I had felt. The Lord showed me how the work of a missionary is to “declare glad tidings of great joy,” just as the angels who proclaimed the coming of Jesus Christ. With this conviction and determination, to proclaim the glad tidings of repentance and remission of sins, I entered the Missionary Training Center of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I am deeply grateful to my parents for their willingness to send me into the service of the Lord. At the big MTC farewell meeting for parents, families, and new missionaries, we said goodbye for what we knew would be two years. Dad cried, I cried, and mom said, “This is what I raised you for! Be good!” Accompanied by other missionaries, some also with tears in their eyes, I walked out one side of the room, and my family walked out the other.  I smiled along with my tears, grateful that my time to serve the Lord with all of my time, talents, and energy had come.

In the MTC, I grew in strength and in the Spirit. I became enlivened by my Temple Covenants. The suffering, death, and resurrection of Christ became more sacred and significant to me than ever before. Empowered and inspired leaders helped me grow in the path of service as a witness of the Lord Jesus Christ. I reached out in prayer and found my Father in Heaven unfailingly there. I also experienced the gift of tongues.

I landed in San Antonio, Texas on March 5th, 2008, and I had the privilege of sharing the Gospel of Jesus Christ with the people of Texas for nearly two years. Throughout this time, I saw many of my brothers and sisters make decisions to allow more of Christ into their lives. I watched the converting power of the Book of Mormon transmit goodness into other lives, just as it had done in mine. I served with members of the Church in Texas who taught me by service and example how to build the Kingdom of God on the earth. They were so patient with me in my inexperience, and I am grateful to them. I served with other missionaries who also taught me in marvelous ways, and with whom I experienced greater joy than I had ever felt before. My mission president worked tirelessly to facilitate these blessings for us, and for the people we served. Over the course of my mission, I found that the promise of the prophets is true: “More happiness awaits you than you have ever experienced as you labor among His children."

Since returning from missionary service, I have continued to do all I can to make following Christ the center of my life. I am not perfect, and the redemption of Christ becomes continually more significant to me. I do not know all that my life will bring, but I am determined to remain faithful to the blessings God has for those who love Him. I trust that He will empower me to do some good in this world! I have been given so much, and I desire to give back.

I am a witness of the things we do to find meaning and identity, to fill the void we won’t fill with Christ. I know that no other choice can bring as much meaning and peace to us than to give our lives to the Savior of the World. I have learned for myself that “a religion that does not require the sacrifice of all things, never has power sufficient to produce the faith necessary unto life and salvation,” and that this sacrifice is a privilege.

I continue to hold the Priesthood office of Elder in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  As one of the Lord’s representatives on earth, I invite you to come unto Christ, to repent of your sins, and taste of His goodness.  If you are not yet a member of the Church, I invite you to meet with the missionaries.  They will help you to receive the transformative ordinances of baptism and the reception of the Gift of the Holy Ghost.  If you are a member of the Church, I rejoice with you in the privilege we have to receive the grace of Christ today, and join with Him in the work of the salvation of God’s children and the exaltation of the families of the earth. Praise be to God for His glorious latter-day work!